Asking the right questions and listening are two sides of the same coin. You just can’t have one without the other. While hearing refers to the sounds we hear, listening entails focused attention with a willingness to understand and an openness to learn. “When you talk you only repeat what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” ~Dalai Lama Hearing is easy. Listening is hard. It reminds me of a nursery rhyme framed on the wall in a Tahoe vacation cabin we once rented. I couldn’t trace its origin. “There was an old owl who sat in an oak. The more he watched; the less he spoke. The less he spoke; the more he heard. Why can’t we be like that wise old bird?” Listening is hard because it requires focus and attention, but it’s not difficult to master. If we train ourselves to observe and speak less, we’ll become better listeners. It’s the perfect anagram; to listen, we have to be silent. There’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth. Modern life is busy. We rush through our days keeping a frenetic pace running around on overdrive. As a result, we spend less and less time listening to one another. Time is our most precious commodity. And, thus listening is perhaps the greatest gift we can give. It’s the gift of our time and attention. Listening is a key component of all effective communications and all healthy and successful relationships. Stephen Covey lists listening as habit 5 of 7 habits of highly successful people. To listen well, we have to listen with the intent to fully understand and not to reply. Listening requires intention. It takes practice. Listening tips:
Step up - show up with the intention to genuinely listen.
Tune in - be present and pay focused attention to what is said.
Let go – withhold judgment, don’t make assumptions, & release expectations.
Give generously – remember the 5 A’s: appreciation, acknowledgement, affirmation, asking & acceptance.
Let me add more about the 5 A’s of listening: Appreciation: recognize the good qualities of the speaker and/or the good points s/he made. Acknowledgment: express your appreciation for the speaker and/or the good points made. Affirmation: use words that build up, inspire, motivate, and encourage the speaker. Asking: be curious about new perspectives and approaches. Ask the right questions to learn more about the person and the situation. Acceptance: At times we have to agree to disagree. We have to accept the differences and embrace them because our lives are enriched through being exposed to new ideas, opinions, styles, practices, and values. In his short TED Talk “5 Ways to Listen Better” Julian Treasure shares 5 strategies to improve conscious listening. It’s definitely worth 7 minutes and 50 seconds of your time.
