I was coaching a client who was looking for a new job in marketing and communications or business development. She worked really hard and followed a thoughtful and effective job-search strategy, which resulted in 3 job offers from her top 5 list of prospective employers. She should be over the moon, jumping for joy and on cloud nine, right? Wrong! She seems paralyzed by the number of options and feels stuck at a career crossroads with three great but very different options. Friends and family keep telling her that “it’s a great problem to have” and seem to find it hard to believe that this can be a hard place to be in. She is struggling to make a decision and is torn between three career paths to consider. She truly can’t decide what to do and is terrified of making “the wrong” decision.
Before getting to the “how to” approach to the very fortunate position of multiple offers, I’d like to talk about the core idea that when we have an abundance of choices it can actually make decision-making more difficult and very stressful. Too many choices can be overwhelming. In fact, there’s a name for it – choice overload. Psychologist Barry Schwartz offers great insights about how the freedom of choice hasn’t made us freer but rather more anxious and less satisfied. An overload of options, choices, and possibilities, especially when dealing with decisions that have significant implication such as which career to pursue, may cause analysis paralysis in decision making and be emotionally exhausting.
In his book “The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less” Schwartz explores decision-making in the context of consumerism and how having more choices actually makes shopping harder. But he also discusses a much wider range of difficult life decisions about family, leisure time, and career choices. Today, more than ever before, it is much harder to make these decisions. The more choices we have our confidence about our choices decreases, and our anticipation that we’ll be disappointed and regret our choice increases. With more options, we develop higher expectations and thus become less likely to be satisfied with what we choose and the things we have.
If you don’t have the time for a 300-page book, Schwartz’s 10-minute TED Talk will give you the general gist of his book.
It is unfortunate that with the freedom of choice come the tyranny of “what if.” Often when we accomplish a goal: snag a new job, get a promotion, lose those last 10 pounds, the glow of achievement is short-lived. We then start experiencing that nagging feeling that we could have done better: asked for more money, could probably lose 5 more pounds, etc. Chasing better things to come is a never ending vicious cycle: the perfect body and the elusive dream- job, home, soul mate. No matter what we achieve, we tend to beat ourselves up over perceived mistakes and missed opportunities. We desperately try to grasp for more, live up to an ideal, to chase happiness.
BUT
“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne
Isn’t it truly what we want? It’s not about the dream and the outcomes, it’s about the happiness and satisfaction we imagine we’ll find when we “get there.” But no one and nothing is perfect, and the grass is NEVER greener! Let’s stop chasing the “better” future and focus on what is right in front of us.
This is the secret to decision-making: being honest and clear about what we need to be happy. When logical reasoning and the careful consideration of the pros and cons don’t yield any clarity, we need to find the courage to listen to our inner voice, our intuition, our “gut feeling.” Since we can’t predict the future, we need to learn to get comfortable with imperfect choices and uncertain outcomes and trust that no matter what the future holds, we will be strong enough to find our way and be okay.
Give yourself a deadline and permission to make the best decision you can and start committing to your imperfect choice. The outcome is not a result of the decision you make but rather what you make of it and the actions you take as you move forward. You can always course correct later on. Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning. Be courageous to change what you can and be patient to keep positive as things unfold.
