Anyone who's ever taught or managed people knows that neither aptitude nor talent is a good predictor of performance. Why do some people achieve their goals while others fail? Is it willpower? Are some people simply born with more willpower than others? Over the years I’ve read many books and articles on drive, goal-setting, motivation, and success, all of them written by successful people offering the best strategies for personal improvement and growth. But years of experience helping clients set and achieve career goals have taught me that success has little to do with willpower and everything to do with choosing the right goals to pursue. To paraphrase Nir Eyal – no willpower is required when we work on things we enjoy [Have We Been Thinking About Willpower the Wrong Way for 30 Years?]. Our energy and motivation ebb and flow in direct correlation to the importance we assign to what we do and the joy we experience doing it. When we pursue work that is meaningful and interesting, we feel motivated and energized. When we are tasked with work that we perceive as unimportant and boring we feel drained and depleted. When clients come to me because they struggle with goals, can’t stick to their resolutions, or fail to keep their commitments, it is typically a sign that they are pursuing inauthentic goals. It is hard to muster up the desire, energy, and enthusiasm to push forward when we work towards something that we don’t truly want. When our goals are aligned with our core values and our priorities, we strive to achieve them by any means necessary. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Commitment comes naturally when you find the right goals, no willpower required. In my experience, successful people are not those who have a greater willpower but rather those who have greater clarity and awareness of their true desires, wants, and needs. When the story in your head matches the one in your heart, your resolutions and new habits will stick for good. Planning your life and commitments around your goal is the wrong approach. It typically leads to a vicious cycle of excuses, rationalization, and self-reproach. The path to success is to set your goals around what is really important to you and truly brings meaning and joy to your life. The key is to make decisions based on your core personal values. Understanding and defining the values guiding your decisions, actions, and behaviors will equip you for success. Willpower is limitless, same as the power of possibilities and human potential. The secret is engaging in pursuits that we are passionate about, that are authentic to us and which give our life purpose, meaning, and joy. This is a lifelong pursuit. But there’s always a tradeoff, it’s a basic economic principle. To achieve a new goal, we have to give up habits that no longer serve us in order to secure something of a greater value to us. We act according to our strongest desires. In pursuing the things we want, we also have to give up things of lesser value and do things we may not want to but that are necessary for the bigger picture; e.g. taking a short-term role to learn new skills, giving up a high-paying job to start a new business, enduring sleepless nights, teething temper tantrums, and the teenage years, which are part and parcel of parenting. There’s always a price to pay, things we need to give up when we choose to become who we want to be and live a more authentic life. Living with purpose changes everything. I have a broad arsenal of tools for setting and achieving goals, but the first and most important step for achieving a goal is having clarity about what is truly important to you and what brings you joy. Below are my 4 foolproof steps to setting and achieving your goals without having to draw on willpower. A foundation principle of this model is based on the Chinese saying “good things come in pairs.” I was introduced to the concept of double happiness attending a Chinese wedding a couple of years ago. While this definitely relates to marriage, I feel it can be applied to any new venture we undertake: #1 Finding True Meaning: Passion & Purpose There are many reasons we choose the wrong goals, or the right goals for the wrong reasons. Dare to allow your heart to guide you tapping into your passion and purpose. Create your own personal mission statement of what you want to have in your life and career. Everyone has a different idea of what it means to be successful, define what it means to you. This is a major step towards setting the right goals that will get you where you want to go. #2 Creating a Plan: Milestones & Measures Creating a plan is just as important as setting the right goals. In fact, it is one of the most important actions to take. This is where the work really happens. Write down your “dreamline” outlining where you are going and what you need to do to get there. Define both the big picture and the in-between action steps that would take you to your ultimate goal. Try to capture the to-do list in positive statements including things you actually enjoy doing rather than things you wish to avoid. Put all items in a logical order and prioritize the action items. As you define the stepping stones on your path, be sure to also spell out the tangible means to evaluate your progress and success. #3 Staying the Course: Enthusiasm & Energy Enthusiasm is a shield against obstacles. It provides endless amounts of energy and stamina. While we all wish that we could achieve our goals quickly and without any pain, the truth is that there are no easy and short paths to lasting success. In fact, we never actually reach a destination. Every accomplishment is a benchmark to keep going and to do better. We become rich by the experiences we gain throughout our journey. #4 Learning the Lessons: Reflection & Rewards Personal growth is a lifelong process. Each milestone we hit is an opportunity to re-evaluate our purpose and adjust our goals. Reflection and self-awareness will help you find, expand, and follow your path to tap into your highest potential and grow into the best possible version of yourself. This is the path of unlimited possibilities. And as you reflect on your progress readjust the things that didn’t work well for you, be sure to recognize and reward yourself for small wins and things done well. And always remain open to try new strategies and carve new paths.
There’s a wealth of potential dreams, passion, and purpose deep within you. When you bring them to light, you will find the willpower and means to live your most authentic life. Many things will catch your eye, but only few will capture your heart, mind, and soul. Pursue them.
