Often, people experience spillover of work problems into home life, or stress from personal issues affecting work performance. Thus, the coaching process is all-encompassing touching on every aspect of clients’ lives as they seek to set and achieve meaningful goals. One client shared how two simple parenting practices to help his family start and end each day more positively resulted in a positive spillover to his work interactions and job performance. It got me thinking how some core parenting practices we use to help children learn the skills they will need as they grow up, should be continuously applied to our own work. If you ask parents what they want for their children, I’d wager that most would answer they want their children to be happy. Now, it’s been years since I read any parenting books, but I believe some of the same practices recommended to raise happy children (so that they grow up to be successful and accomplished adults, according to the books) should be applied to finding happiness and success at work. The truth is that taking care of ourselves as we manage high-stress, high-pressure, over-busy lives would enable us to then be available to take care of others; similar to putting on own oxygen mask before helping others if a plane loses cabin pressure. We are often told to connect with our inner child, but perhaps we’d be better served if we find our inner parent and apply the parenting practices that make children healthy, happy and successful to our own personal and professional growth. Here are 6 principles to continuously apply to our work lives: 1. Expect effort, not perfection
When children are expected to do their best (not be the best), they tend to be more motivated to try new things and experience joy in the process. This remains true as we transition into hard-working adults. We are more likely to step outside our comfort zone, embrace the unknown, and “give it a go” when we focus on best effort and excellence rather than short-term results and perfection. When we strive for excellence, we give our best effort and put in the hard work. It means success is measured by persistence, developing skills and making progress over time. It also implies failure is an inherent part of the process. Pursuing excellence is taking the fast road to success. Chasing perfection is a journey down a dead end street. Only when we learn to overcome failure we can experience career success every step of the way. 2. Play nice in the sandbox
To thrive in the corporate sandbox, we need follow the simple lessons learned in preschool: get along with others, play fair, don’t snatch and grab things, and do not kick dirt in other people’s faces. No one wants to play with an ill-tempered spoiled child who doesn’t know how to take turns or share. No professional is an island. Modern work life consists of interdependencies. Most jobs require teamwork and collaboration. Having good manners and great interpersonal skills determine whether people enjoy working with us, which in turn greatly impacts our performance, sphere of influence, and advancement. The ability to work well with others is key to career success. 3. Show compassion and empathy
Kindergarten often means the start of a new and bigger school. I remember our first back-to-school-night meeting in which one anxious parent asked what the school was doing to ensure the school was safe and to prevent bullying. The teacher responded citing the school’s zero tolerance policies. But then she insightfully added that parents are a child’s primary teachers in the way we show empathy and caring in our everyday life. She closed her answer saying that teaching children compassion is an investment that will repay itself over and over again. Empathy is a natural part of the human experience. Gone are the days of the cutthroat workplace. The real key to navigating both the triumphs and the challenges of building a successful career is empathy. Simply stated, empathy is putting oneself in another person’s shoes. It is about showing respect and the ability to connect with and relate to others. To succeed, we must master the art of building positive interpersonal relationships at work; to care about people and to handle relationships with tact and diplomacy. 4. Lighten up
Oh the things we used to do to get our kids to giggle and laugh - all the silly antics, funny faces, peekaboo, “Knock Knock” jokes, and teen comedy films. How we wanted to hear them laugh and enjoy those moments of pure joy. A sense of humor definitely brightens a home and family life. Using age-appropriate humor and laughter is a great way to connect with children and get through the rough patches. I firmly believe that a family that laughs together stays together. And I’ve also come to believe through anecdotal observations that children with a good sense of humor and a positive attitude tend to make friends easily and be more popular, which remains true in the workplace. People want to work with people they like. Having a good-natured attitude, being a good sport, and displaying a good sense of humor are all crucial skills in building and maintaining rapport with others. And as discussed above, building positive workplace relationships is vital for career success. 5. Take ownership and responsibility
As a parent I often wondered whether I was teaching my children the important stuff; in particular finding the right balance: helping without enabling and loving without spoiling. Children learn to take responsibility when we stop over-managing and empower them to do the age-appropriate things they can and should be doing for themselves. It’s the only way to really give them the necessary life skills to make their way in the world on their own merit. We’ve all been told it’s important to “be professional” in order to have a successful career. But what does it mean? At the core, professionalism is about taking ownership and responsibility for knowledge, mastery of skills, attitude, performance, and results. Taking ownership means taking the initiative. Taking responsibility means holding ourselves accountable for delivering on commitments and achieving results. Our daily actions pave the path to our success. 6. Schedule downtime into your day
Any parent would agree that napping is important for young children. There’s nothing worse than a tired, whiny, and cranky toddler. Like children, adults also need down time to recharge and reboot. All too often, downtime gets de-prioritized falling by the wayside. We need rest time to boost our productivity. Like any other muscle, our brain tires from repeated strenuous mental activity. Taking a break from our work, even if just to surf the net and watch funny videos, can give our brain a much needed break to relax our mind. Taking a break following focused concentration can help us gain a fresh perspective on complex work problems.
Perhaps one of the most astounding thing about being a parent was all the things my mother had taught me (and I ignored growing up) that came back to me and started to make great sense, especially the reminder that “somewhere, someone else is happy with less than you have.” This is one of the greatest truths. As we strive to set and achieve goals, we need to remember that happiness and fulfillment in life isn't achieved by having what we want but rather by appreciating what we do have. To quote Dale Carnegie: “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
What would your choices be if you treated yourself as a loved, adored, and cherished child?
What decisions would make your inner parent proud?
How can you become fully invested in your own success to thrive and flourish at work?
