I grew up in a loving but stoic family. The core guiding principles of my childhood were to grow up to be a good, hard working person and to accept any disappointments without complaint. My siblings and I were pushed to “make something of ourselves.” Yet, to always plan for the worst-case scenario, to keep expectations low in case things didn’t work out. My maternal grandmother was the dominant figure in the entire family. She used to end every discussion about future plans with the Yiddish proverb "Man plans, God laughs". Try and make plans but always expect the “Oy Vey” moments, those times when things do not go according to plan and you find yourself dealing with life’s little annoyances. You see, my grandmother believed it was all small stuff. She used to say that if all of our neighbors laid out their problems on their respective front yards, we’d look at them all and end up taking back our own problems and disappointments. The “Oy Vey” moments, the "Woe is me!” moments, have three elements:
They are unexpected
They are unwanted
They are unpleasant
These moments suck, but they're a fact of life. Disappointments are unavoidable. Tenacity to overcome them is a necessary coping skill. Our journey is a long series of small and big(ger) challenges with many moments of joy and hopefully moments of achievement and satisfaction, too. The ability to deal with the irritating events is incredibly important as we juggle busy careers and busy lives. When “Plan A” doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. We need to keep trying. We are surrounded by people whose life mission seems to be to upset or annoy us: the desk-hoverer who wouldn’t go away, the boss who expects an immediate response no matter what, the co-worker who always clips his nails at his desk. And, of course, we all have those days when things just keep going from bad to worse: we are running late, there’s road work, we get stuck in a huge traffic jam, we can’t find anywhere to park, and when we finally make our way into the office, coffee in hand, the cup lid collapses spilling coffee all over. We all have these moments when we look up in frustration crying out loud: “Why is this happening to me?” We generally do not respond well to life’s unexpected curveballs. Rather than hit them out of the park we tend to react and blow a gasket. To thrive, we need to develop better strategies to work through frustrations. Even if you cannot hit the curveball out of the park, you can certainly push back and find workable solutions. Don’t just lie down and take whatever life throws at you, find a way to push back. Here are 4 self- empowering steps to deal with life’s little annoyances when you encounter them. 1. Wallow: Self Pity
Take 60 seconds to embrace the frustration: yell, vent, curse, shed a few tears, and jump up and down or sideways. Whatever works!
Then Smile. It is said that the best revenge is to smile and move on. When we smile, it triggers positivity in the brain. It is the best way to reboot, reset, and restart.
Dig deep and look for the positive. When you don’t feel like being positive, it is probably the time when you need it the most. A positive attitude could make the biggest difference.
2. Reflect: Self-check
Engage the brain moving from reaction to response.
What is the challenge?
What’s stressing you out about the situation?
What’s the worst-case scenario of this situation?
3. Fix It: Self-reliance
Focus on the things that can be done to salvage the situation, take control through choiceful actions.
What actions can help mitigate or solve the problem?
What is the best way forward?
4. Learn: Self-knowledge
There’s a lesson in every experience. We become wiser by what we learn from it.
What have I learned about the situation and myself?
How can I turn it to my advantage?
Don’t confuse the path with the destination. Just because it’s raining now and the path is muddy, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for clear blue skies. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.
