When you are dealing with someone who is a complete jerk at work, pretend you are a workplace anthropologist and take the time to assess the organizational culture. This assessment is crucial in planning your next steps. Take note:
Do people seem engaged, excited, energized, and friendly, or grumpy, deflated and withdrawn?
How do senior leaders interact with people lower on the totem pole and with customers?
What is posted on the walls and bulletin boards?
And most importantly – who is a hero? Who is getting hired, promoted, or fired? Jerks are the by-product of a company’s culture, the behaviors that are rewarded and reinforced. In his article “Your Company’s Culture is Who You Hire, Fire, & Promote” Cameron Sepah drives the point home that a culture is the result of behavioral modeling rather than a collection of fluff words and slogans on the walls. We are what we practice, not what we preach. When jerk-like behaviors are acceptable, or worse, rewarded, they become contagious turning into social norms. As a general rule of thumb, if disrespect, rudeness, and bullying behaviors seem to be the norm and people around you seem miserable and disengaged, run! If you find yourself in a negative work environment, sounding the workplace jerk alarm is not likely to yield any positive outcomes. When a company has a bad corporate culture that trickles down from the top, and where the welfare of employees is disregarded, approaching HR or upper management would be an exercise in futility (recall recent story of an ex-Uber engineer going viral accusing the company of knowingly ignoring discrimination and harassment.) In such circumstances, don’t try to deal with the jerk du jour – cut your losses and start working on your exit strategy. However, if the company culture is vibrant and healthy, and you have been unfortunate enough to deal with a difficult co-worker or boss, you need to come up with an actionable damage-control plan. But who is a jerk? Typically, jerks are the grown-up version of the sandbox bully. They tend to pick on those they consider beneath them by being consistently unpleasant, critical, and uncooperative. They are ruthlessly competitive going to extreme lengths to outshine everyone around them, often playing dirty. They may be good producers themselves, but their poor behavior prevents others from maximizing their full potential. It’s very difficult when the workplace jerk you are dealing with is your own boss, the person potentially influencing your career potential. Don’t take it lightly. Stress impacts your emotional (and physical) well-being. It’s important to take action. Negative situations require a proactive problem-solving approach. This is a game of patience, finesse, and strategy. In his book “The No Asshole Rule” Robert I. Sutton, a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford Engineering School, provides enlightening insights into the phenomenon of the workplace meanies. There are 3 steps to deal with workplace jerks:
1. Calmly disengage
Get yourself out of the line of fire, count to 10, and take a few deep breaths. Just stop and think; most likely, the incident is not worth losing your cool over. A calm, well-thought-out response always yields better results than a knee-jerk reaction.
2. Carefully assess
Before you allow yourself to get drawn into the ring, do some hard thinking to figure out the real issue at hand.
3. Determine your approach
#1 No Response – a reply is not always needed. At times, the best strategy is to do nothing. Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. Shrug the nastiness off and let any jerk moves roll off your back. Take the high road and walk away the bigger person.
#2 DIY Response – handle own your own. In all contentious situations, exercise good judgment and be diplomatic. It takes finesse to be both direct and tactful. Don’t assume the jerk is aware of how he comes across or how his behavior affects others. Approach the jerk with caution using friendliness as your weapon. Deliver the well-rehearsed message along the lines of: “I really enjoy working with you and want to make sure we work together effectively. Is there anything I could do to ensure we have a great working relationship?”
#3 Outsource the Response: seek counsel from a trusted mentor or human resources professional. If your attempts at resolution are not successful, and the jerk remains uncooperative to the point it is affecting your performance and deliverables, take the issue to HR. But before you schedule a meeting, make sure you are familiar with the employee handbook and workplace policies. Be prepared to provide specific information about the work problem, especially if you are being bullied or harassed. Most HR professionals go into the field because they really love working with and helping people through work challenges. Their job is to support a positive work experience for employees and help create great work cultures.
Stop and Think: is there a chance you are the jerk at work? How often do you intimidate, demean, belittle, criticize, humiliate, or sabotage others? Are you rude and short with people most of the time? Do you tell half-truths or deliberately withhold information from others? How often do you find yourself getting angry and yelling at work? Ever threw a full-fledged temper tantrum at work? If you exhibit any of these behaviors, you may want to read “10 Signs That the Jerk at Work Might Be You”. Try and get honest feedback to get a clear picture of how you are perceived by others. And if it turns out you are the jerk, hopefully you will decide to change your jerk-like behaviors. This would help you have better interpersonal relationships with others, which will in turn make you more effective. Even if you have seen career success despite behaving badly, think how much more successful you can be when you show respect and learn to handle relationships with tact and diplomacy. It may be a gift to yourself and to those who work with you.
