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Gila Gam

Work & Life: Striking a Balance between Caring and Self-care


This week I was moved by a Rebecca Thomas LinkedIn post about her difficult decision to resign from a job that she loved because it was killing her. Over 1,000 people have commented, with many reporting a similar struggle to balance work and home life. It is certainly my personal experience (and that of many of my clients) trying to manage a crushing workload, which at times dose not leave much energy or emotional resources to enjoy other aspects of our life. You might be at risk for job burnout if you experience any of the following:

  • working over 10 hours a day on a regular basis

  • taking work home most days and consistently working on weekends

  • never feeling fully relaxed

  • (frequently)getting the Sunday or Monday Blues

  • feeling physically and emotionally drained most of the time

  • having trouble sleeping worrying about work

If any of the above sounds familiar, a new job might be the right solution. However, there are other options to consider as well. You have to figure out how to put yourself in a better position on the current job, or a new one. But whichever you choose, the process involves learning to say “no.” It is essential to prioritize the people and things that make all the difference, and proactively reserve the emotional energy and time only for those situations worthy of the investment of your most precious resources such as our time, talent, and caring. It is perfectly acceptable to care less about people or things that are less caring-worthy. To those who are not sensitive to swear words, Sarah Knight’s TED Talk “The Magic of Not Giving a F***” perfectly illustrates this point.

As boring as this may sound, the first order of business is to do an honest assessment of your healthy habits:

  • Are you eating right?

  • Are you active enough?

  • Do you have adequate downtime?

  • Are you getting enough sleep?

When you implement changes in place to get the basic health habits right, you can start looking at other areas in your life. Set aside 5 minutes to make a list of all the time and energy drains in your life. Be specific and get to the core of the issue – outline the specific challenges, or pain-points. For example long commute, a phony boss, grocery shopping, or a needy family member - anything that you want less of in your life. Remember: the first step toward change is to be honest. Stop after 5 minutes. Repeat this step 3 days in a row. On day 4, compile your list of top 5 joy suckers in your life. Here’s a client’s list (shared with consent):

  1. My boss is a terrible gossip who talks shit about everyone behind their back.

  2. Bay Area traffic is a nightmare. I resent spending 2 hours on highway 101 every day.

  3. Since the last round of layoffs, I’ve been doing the work of 3 people and cannot keep up with the workload.

  4. I feel left out when the guys on my team play soccer at lunch, and I am not invited.

  5. I hate being on conference calls at 10:00 pm, especially since nothing is ever decided.

When you have your list, take 5 minutes over 3 consecutive days to brainstorm solutions. Write down 3 action items for each challenge.

  1. My boss is a terrible gossip who talks shit about everyone behind their back.

  2. Apply “duck & cover” strategy: avoid lunch/coffee meetings or impromptu 1-on-1 meetings

  3. Focus on the work: prepare clear agenda for each meeting. Redirect the conversation to strengths and solutions

  4. When possible, invite others to meetings for input

  5. Bay Area traffic is a nightmare. I resent spending 2 hours on the 101 every day.

  6. Request telecommute 2 days a week (Tuesday & Friday)

  7. Complete productivity WFH plan by [DATE]

  8. Work on pitch to present 1-on-1 at [DATE]

  9. Downloaded podcasts to my smartphone (The Muse 51 list) – this weekend

  10. Create am/pm commute playlist – ask son over the weekend

  11. Create weekly calling list to connect with family/friends (every Sunday)

  12. Since the last round of layoffs, I’ve been doing the work of 3 people and cannot keep up with the workload.

  13. Draft a work plan of big projects & deadlines + daily/weekly/monthly tasks (telecommute plan #2)

  14. Identify which things I can cover/what needs to be delegated to others – next step pitch to manager

  15. Start every morning breaking the day into blocks w/breaks

  16. Research productivity and time management apps & check any that are applicable (start using top 3 within 1 month)

  17. I feel left out when the guys on my team play soccer at lunch, and I am not invited.

  18. No more eating at my desk! Take 30-minute break every day

  19. Keep Sketchers at my desk to go for a walk & find a nice spot to eat sandwich

  20. Create a “lunch buddy” list for 3 months. Once a week initiate a lunch meeting with co-workers or LI connections (start [DATE])

  21. I hate being on conference calls at 10:00 pm, especially since nothing is ever decided.

  22. Decline all mass-conference calls & catch-up asking for meeting notes

  23. Dedicate no more than 1 night per week for conference calls – Wed. night 9-11pm

  24. Smile and promise to “do the needful”

When you are a caring, dedicated and conscientious employee, you tend to let work demands spill over into non-work time. Unfortunately, there’s no magic bullet for finding work-life balance. This is a continuous learning process in which we focus our attention and take action to improve our personal efficacy and emotional well-being. The key is to keep prioritizing what we care about and directing our time, energy, and efforts on those things that are within our control. And above all, we always need to keep all options open. No job is for life. Never stop looking for other opportunities. Make sure you dedicate a couple of hours each week to look at job openings in your field and to network. Life is short. Do something you love. Work where you thrive.


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