My friends joke that my spirit animal is a Husky because I am curious to try new things and have great endurance. But the truth is that deep down I am a scaredy cat. Yes, I am adventurous, but not a carefree one. My motto is: “be prepared.” I may seem spontaneous, but I try to avoid any unnecessary risks by meticulously planning. However, no amount of research or planning can truly prepare me for challenging conversations. Tough conversations are inevitable in our personal life and in the workplace. While I create the perfect script in my head, tough conversations rarely go as planned. Since they are such a normal and regular experience, it behooves us to reflect on this and get comfortable embracing the uncomfortable.
I had to learn this the hard way through real-life experience, not textbooks. Theoretical knowledge provides a foundation through the experience of others. But understanding the techniques and strategies cannot substitute the deeper understanding that comes from personal experience. It is similar to learning a new language. Formal instruction is necessary and valuable. However, you gain deeper insights through immersive experience. Although I am still always anxious before having difficult conversations, I’ve learned the importance of dealing with them expeditiously, directly, and with determination. I am definitely still learning more with every conversation, but with time I’ve become more confident and adept at navigating these tricky conversations. The more you get into the habit of facing these issues squarely, the better you’ll be equipped to manage these delicate situations diplomatically and with wisdom. It is a prerequisite to being an effective leader. A leader’s impact can be gauged through the willingness to tackle uncomfortable conversations head on.
What gets in the way of having meaningful conversations?
Our vulnerability when our confidence is shaken
Our anxiety when the outcome is uncertain
Our fear when there’s risk of rejection or failure
Three Tips for Mastering the Messy Conversations:
#1: Feel & Own Your Feelings
Start with Inner Housekeeping. This entails a trip to the inner self.
Make best effort to know and own your “stuff.”
#2: Sort Out Your Own Intention
Start with the end in mind. This entails mapping the lay of the land.
Make best effort to consider all the facts of the situation.
#3: Move Toward Shared Understanding Start with an open mind. This entails having a learning conversation. Make best effort to ask exploratory questions in order to reach a higher level of understanding.
Your best success strategy: refrain from going into difficult conversations assuming you have all the answers, trying to prove who’s right and who’s to blame. See this as an opportunity to initiate positive change and build a strong foundation for your relationship. Assume positive intent and extend kindness and compassion no matter what unfolds. Be present with an open mind and an accepting heart. Even if you are unable to achieve your desired outcome, you’d walk away knowing you kept your side of the fence clean.
Comments