I have set and then failed to achieve many new year’s resolutions in my adult life. This year, I am taking a new approach: reflection instead of resolution. Rather than focusing on the destination (goal-achievement), I am focusing on the journey (personal growth.) The beginning of a new year seems like a great time to take stock of the year that has gone by and to look ahead to the coming year. A brand-new Calendar Year is an opportune time to ponder the best ways to make the most of the fresh start. But as you launch yourself into the new year, thinking about the things you’d like to achieve in 2021, please do so with a commitment to be kind to yourself. We are all work in progress. Approached from this perspective, both self-acceptance and self-improvement can be used to their full power in the service of self-actualization. Self-acceptance means embracing who you are in the present. Self-improvement means visualizing the future of your dreams. In the extreme, excessive focus on self-improvement may result in sacrificing too much on the altar of achievement. On the other hand, too much focus on self-acceptance may result in the denial of the basic human need for personal growth. Together the two create balance, harmony and well-being in an uncertain world.
Goals are a great tool to raise the bar on performance, sharpen skills, and increase capabilities. Beware of falling into the mind trap of self-shaming. Feeling bad about where you are. Feeling guilty. Resenting yourself. We were indoctrinated to believe that we are supposed to browbeat ourselves into achieving our goals, and that we will achieve better results if we did so. However, this approach might explain the statistics that the vast majority of us abandon our goals, approximately 80% according to Forbes.com. Ask anyone who has ever tried to lose weight. The intention is genuine, but the execution is hard. It’s not you, it’s the resolution. More to the point, is the goal authentic and harmonious with the other things that are meaningful to you and that you’d like to have in your life? Setting goals for yourself works better when the goal is aligned with your core values, interests, and a greater purpose. Evaluating your goal from a growth frame of mind will help you stick to your commitments. You will not need to drain your energy trying too hard or by using brute force to get things done. When a goal is in harmony with your life as a whole, its achievement won’t require struggle. Counter the reflex to tyrannize yourself and create the space for supportive self-talk. Set holistic goals and practice what you believe. Then empower, encourage, and energize yourself like you would someone you love.
As you work on becoming the future version of yourself, remember it is a process and not a destination. And it is the process that counts rather than merely the end result. Whatever the end-goal is, it never defines you, or your self-wroth and value. Neither a date on a calendar nor a goal change who you are. What counts is the commitment to go through the process of “becoming.” It’s a journey of endeavor, failures, endurance, learning, and growing. To realize new possibilities, you need to be ready, willing, and able to embark on a journey of self-discovery.
Ready to identify a gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Willing to invest in your personal and professional growth.
Able to do the work to achieve your goals.
New goals are catalysts for change and growth, for renewal and transformation. Use the fresh start to test assumptions, to stretch your creative muscles, and to learn and grow in some way. Move fluidly, steadily, and with confidence. Keep an open mind, trust what you know, and remember what it is all about. The essence of new endeavors is well-being. Your values will provide the roadmap for the experience as you start working towards a new goal. You don’t necessarily need to do great things, but rather strive to do small things with great joy. Tap into what gives you joy and find a way of doing more of it in the world. Embracing the new means pursuing the things that you care about and achieving what would ultimately bring your life greater meaning and fulfillment.
Wishing you a healthy, happy and abundant 2021.
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