We live in a culture that places a high value on hard work and evaluates people by their achievements and accomplishments. Our way of life is to “reach for the moon” and “never give up.” Within this cultural context there seems to be an ingrained tension between intentional effort and mindful surrender. To most people, surrender implies not trying hard enough, giving up. We have been taught that in order to win, we need to stick to the fight and not quit. Thus, the idea of surrendering can seem unattractive. It is often associated with failure and defeat. And so, it is naturally met with massive resistance. Yet, surrendering can be truly empowering. It is a more peaceful approach to having the space to explore choices. When we surrender to the present moment, we relinquish the need to control everything. As we learn to release our fears, the “what ifs,” and the “shoulds,” we can begin to cultivate trust in ourselves and the universe. Surrender is the path to inquiry, observation, and peace. Surrender is the inner transition from resistance to acceptance. Sometimes we have to let go of the picture of what we thought life would be like and learn to enjoy life as it is, what is right in front of us.
Being hyper-focused on the end-result is often accompanied by fear and stress. To put it another way, when we try to desperately hold on too tightly, the thing that we want most slips away. Setting goals is what takes us forward in life and in our career. Hard work and efforts are necessary for self-development and personal growth. However, working too hard when chasing after specific results can, in fact, backfire. Like anything that is overdone, it can result in burnout. Goals are like sand. When closing our hand and squeezing tightly, the sand trickles through our fingers. There’s a better way to fight for dreams – the way of mindful surrender. Goals cannot be achieved without putting in the work. However, surrendering means the mindful act of accepting that efforts are but one part of achievement. Trusting the journey rather than the outcome means being comfortable with the unknown and believing that as we keep moving forward the path will continue to reveal itself. Time spent worrying about bad things to come, or hoping for better days, is time not spent appreciating and enjoying the present. Worrying and overthinking is like running on a treadmill. It takes you nowhere fast. Sometimes to surrender is the best way to move forward from limiting beliefs to unlimited space and opportunities.
In managing change, there is always a point when we need to stop fighting to control the uncontrollable. The Serenity Prayer is a great reminder to serenely accept the things we cannot change, to courageously work to change the things we can, and to discern wisely between what is and isn’t in our control. Two essential components of courage are serenity and wisdom. Courage is the ability to handle uncertainty and be brave when there are tough choices to be made. This is a skill that’s built through daily acts. Serenity is the ability to remain calm and upright even in the face of strong winds of change and conflict. It entails the practice of cultivating a deeper self-awareness and trust regardless of what is going on in the external environment. To truly accept life’s challenges, we need to resourcefully make the best of every situation. Wisdom is recognizing what is an opportunity and what is not - what needs to change, what to keep, and what to let go of. It is being able to identify when old patterns of behavior and attitudes get in the way of reaching our goals.
Mindful surrender is an acceptance that trying to control an outcome may be futile because of all the things that are outside of our control. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up or not making intentional and consistent effort. It means being open to what is unfolding in the present moment. The delicate interplay of effort and surrender can be likened to the two wings of a bird – both are necessary for a smooth flight. Birds need to know when to stroke their wings with power and when to surrender and glide on air currents. In our busy fast-paced world, we have mastered the skill of quickly moving from task to task. However, in order to truly soar high and thrive, we need to be able to meet life where it is, and to appreciate and use all that we have.
Making an effort to create what we want in life and surrendering into what life brings our way are equally important components of success. But it is a tricky balance between striving and surrendering. Mindful surrender is the commitment to do our best work. Self-actualization happens when our efforts come from a place of curiosity and a desire to learn. The ultimate reward is leading a fulfilling life enjoying the journey and all that is to be learned in the process of trying and doing. When we find the balance between effort and surrender, we open ourselves up to new discoveries.
Let go of what was.
Surrender to what is.
Trust that the best is yet to come.
Tap into the profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life.
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