In the pursuit of my multi-year goal to run a half marathon in all 50 states, I just took both OH and MI off the list last weekend: two days, two half marathons. I knew going in that I was not yet fully recovered from a running injury. And yet, I decided to ignore the truth that the most effective way to return to running after an injury is to do so gradually. I went from three weeks of no running to a pretty intense double header: The Airforce Half Marathon in Dayton Ohio on Saturday and the Capital City River Run in Lansing, Michigan. Completing both got me to 27 medals in total (because it’s all about the bling, right?)
The first half marathon went well. I was able to run, slower than my normal pace, but still a strong finish in my age group. But here’s the truth, when my ego takes over, and I think that I’m invincible, things go wrong. On day Two, right as I was running over the start line, I felt a sharp shooting pain on the outside of my left knee along with a feeling of it locking up. Sadly, I am very familiar with that kind of pain and its cause - iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS.) It is typically an overuse injury. Even though I didn’t listen to my body nor gave it the much needed rest and recovery, I was still disappointed I couldn’t make it do what I wanted it to do. I had to accept I wouldn’t be able to run the race. But I couldn’t stomach the idea of a “Did Not Finish” (DNF.) Not finishing is not just about not crossing the finish line, but it is dealing with the loss of time, effort, and money put into race day.
When we think about reaching our goals, we often imagine the big wins and the major breakthroughs, not the setbacks, disappointments, or the dreaded DNF. Yet, achieving Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAGs) requires the mental strength to deal with setbacks and disappointments. At the initial shock of feeling intense pain, I knew I had to gain control over my emotions and mindfully work through them in a healthy and productive way. So, I decided to follow the mantra “if you can’t run, walk” and practice my racewalking skills.
Disappointment can be a great teacher. As I was walking, I was thinking over the lessons to be learned for running, life, and long-term career success. The key takeaway for me was to remember that whenever something upsetting happens, I need to let go of expectations and focus on what is possible in the here and now. Often, adjusting expectations is the best way to cope with disappointments.
Even when things go wrong, you can still keep going strong. Setbacks can still result in positive outcomes. There is always something to learn and gain from every experience. The secret to overcoming disappointments is taking a long-term perspective on progress, growth, and success. As hard as it is to accept a change of plan, I may go as far as to suggest that disappointments may be good for us. They can help us get some perspective.
Instead of dwelling on disappointment, decide to develop a positive attitude and look for the positives and possibilities. Reframe the temporary disappointment as an opportunity to have a different kind of experience than planned for and practice skills and qualities that would help you feel good about handling the unexpected so well. Remember: how you show up is more important than what you give up. This is the time to raise above and practice self-compassion, gratitude, humility, patience, resilience, and those qualities that make us better people.
3 Strategies to Deal with Disappointment:
1. Know your “WHY” and Reframe Disappointment
Runners start running for many reasons. I believe that most keep running because they enjoy it. Unlike running, most of us start working because we have to. That being said, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t find meaning and joy in our work and strive to have a great career run. Always take a purposeful perspective and bring it to everything you do in your personal and professional life, on bad days and good days, in good times and in bad times. Understanding what motivates and what demotivates you to stay focused on your goals can make the difference between persistently persevering, or giving up and quitting. If a certain goal, or milestone, is not attainable at the moment, reset the objective and adjust your plan to keep moving forward. Choose a winning attitude and adjust your short-term objective to propel you toward your long-term goal.
2. Change the Narrative and Find the Silver Lining
To strive is human. We have an innate drive to strive for better versions of ourselves and more fulfilling experience. To live well is to strike a healthy balance between recognizing the “already done” and the “not yet” accomplished. There are two ways to find confidence and joy while pursuing big goals: decrease the suck (pain and suffering – physical or emotional) and/or increase the awesome (incentives, rewards, and positive emotions.) When something disappointing occurs, the natural tendency is to wallow in self-pity. Shifting perspective to embrace the moment as it is, allows you to move from idealized perfection to the good enough right now. It’s a useful technique for being on the pathway to your best self. So, when you hit a roadblock, call to mind three positive things about the new situation you find yourself in.
3. Learn From Disappointment and Practice New skills
Setting goals can help you quantify success. However, your expectations and attachment to an outcome can get the better of you. Some days, no matter how hard you try, and how much you want it, things might not go your way. Some days, you will not have a “good run.” Building resilience will help you navigate the twists and turns and get through challenges . It can also empower you not merely to survive, but to thrive. Like developing any skill, increasing your resilience takes practice and intentionality. Create a Coping Toolbox of skills, techniques, activities, people, and objects to turn to in order to pick yourself up and move forward with confidence knowing you can improve and become better tomorrow. And above all, when dealing with disappointment, cultivate self-compassion; treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a loved one in a similar situation.
At the end of the day, even when we fall short of expectations not reaching what we hoped for, we still have a lot to be thankful for and to be proud of the fact that we are trying. Don’t take for granted the opportunity to set new goals and make choices. All the choices you make, make you. When you work hard for something and fail to meet your goal, expectations, and hopes, regardless of how big or small, it is only natural to fee disappointment. However, while disappointment is inevitable, do not be discouraged. Know that there will be another opportunity down the road. So, once you feel your feelings, use the experience to motivate you to give yourself another chance, or as many as you need to reach your goals. To build a successful career you enjoy, keep setting real goals that will help you grow in a meaningful way. In your personal and professional life, you will have good days and bad days. The good days will give you a sense of accomplishment and joy. The bad days will give you experience and lessons.
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