If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “oh you are a coach, I need some advice about….” Coaching is not about giving advice to clients. It’s a partnership in which I guide clients through the coaching process to find their own answers and create their own solutions. No matter the career you choose, you will face challenges and will have to make difficult decisions. At such times, it is only natural to ask for help. However, advice, solicited or unsolicited, can often do more harm than good. When the advice isn’t tailored to you or your situation, it can undermine your ability to figure out what is right for you. No two people have exactly the same experience going through similar situations. Thus, when we dispense advice, it is often filtered through a lens that favors our own experience and perspective.
Your personal success tool is to do right by yourself. Where you choose to go in life and whatever you decide to do, it is critical to rely on your own values and find your inner truth. Your dreams and aspirations are unique to you. Go deep within yourself to find the answers that will inspire you and give you the courage to go after your dreams and make them true. It might sound scary, but it is far easier to be yourself than to try and live someone else’s live and be someone you are not. When you are at a crossroads asking “what is my next step?” be willing to listen to your own voice. Keep listening to your own counsel and implement your own answers so that you can move forward and truly flourish.
Why is it hard to take our own advice? Fear is the culprit that robs us of living our best life.
With ownership comes fear of making the wrong decision, or disappointing others. Thus, following the advice of someone else, even when harmful, might provide a sense of security and a feeling of safety, even if false.
Ownership clashes with seeking approval. Living one’s truth might create conflict, disapproval, or tension. Whatever decisions we make, we don’t live in a vacuum. Those around us typically share their opinions and expectations, and criticism is hard to take.
The comfort zone is comfy. It’s like a cushy couch that practically beckons you to sit down and stay awhile. But the comfort zone isn’t really about comfort, it’s about fear. We fall into a place where we stagnate because trying new things will get us into the unknown territory.
So how do you face fear and free yourself up to take your own advice?
Get to know yourself. What do you really want? Are you making choices in alignment with your values or needs or to impress others?
Find meaning. What is the purpose behind your choices? Within your career context, finding meaning can motivate you to overcome challenges and to do your best even when you are struggling.
Get inspired. At times, we lose our mojo. To get it back, change your perspective. Try doing old things in new ways. Top off the fire within you by doing the things you find invigorating.
Remember that on this journey called life, you, and you alone, are responsible for your own choices and fulfillment. And everything you are looking for is right there within you. From a young age we are taught to look outside ourselves for answers. We often forget the power within us. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. She represents all of us. She is looking for that place over the rainbow where trouble melt like lemon drops. But there’s no escaping our problems. We take ourselves with us wherever we go. When we deal with difficult situations and feel stuck, the only way out is through simply by looking within and reconnecting with who we truly are. No person, thing or place can give us what we are searching for. The answers come from within. And it is a long journey of discovery with many twists and forks in the road. Along the journey, we meet people who can help us. people come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Their role is to help us think through possibilities and find our own answers.
The Wizard of Oz is a story about self-awareness and getting results through personal accountability. In its essence the story teaches us the essentials of self-reliance: see it, solve it, do it. The Scarecrow, Tinman, and Cowardly Lion offer insights into the three things needed to implement solutions: a brain, a heart, and courage. A brain to take in the relevant factors and see multiple perspectives. A heart to show care and concern for self and others in order to build meaningful connections. And courage to try new things and continue despite obstacles and failures. Success is what you make it to be. How you perceive it makes all the difference. It means learning to look for the possibilities in bad situations and turning negatives into insights. You will inevitably encounter rough patches when the setbacks pile up, and you feel discouraged. When you feel overwhelmed and a bit lost remind yourself that this is a journey and an adventure. You are not really lost. You are just searching and haven’t found a clear path, yet. To find the right answers within you, practice COURAGE:
Choose optimism: Cultivate positive thinking.
Own the moment: take charge and support your decisions with your actions.
Understand your inner self: keep awareness of your values, motivations, and biases.
Redesign the work: find a better, faster way to do things.
Ask for help: seek support that will empower you to find creative solutions.
Go the extra mile: work hard and do what you believe is great work.
Embrace uncertainty: know you have what it takes to weather the storm.
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