It’s my birthday today. My early birthday present to myself was walking The MoonWalk marathon in Edinburgh. Yes, I walked the marathon. The MoonWalk is meant to be a Power Walking challenge with no running allowed. 26.2 miles is a long way to run. For me, it was a long distance to walk, too. It’s double the time on feet and with no sleep. And yet, it is the kind of feel-good experience that gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling that lasts for days, possibly till my next birthday, with the memories to last a lifetime. There’s nothing quite like a community walking together overnight in decorated bras to raise awareness and money for breast cancer. It was an empowering, liberating, uplifting and joyful night. I loved every step of the 26.2 miles. A truly memorable experience and a positive reinforcement to dare try new things, to gain new experiences, and to truly open myself up to new opportunities.
This birthday isn’t a special milestone, but every birthday feels significant to me. Every birthday gets me thinking about life. It’s an opportunity to look back and examine whether I am truly living the life I want, true to my aspirations. Every year is another step to mastering wisdom in the art of intentional living. Simply put, intentional living is making conscious choices every day to build a good life. Living a good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a state of mind, a choice, not a set of circumstances. It is an aspirational direction, not a destiny.
The past year has brought with it the deepest sadness and intense grief at the loss of my father but also the greatest happiness on the momentous occasion celebrating my son’s wedding. In the words of Kohelet (Ecclesiastes), which will be read in synagogues in the coming holiday of Sukkot (starting tomorrow, Friday 9/26):
“3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
3:6 A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;”
Kohelet ponders the deeper meaning of life. On my birthday, gratitude is the overarching theme of the past year. I'm grateful for parents who loved me unconditionally. I am thankful for seeing my grown children happy. I appreciate having siblings who show up for me. I'm so blessed to have a husband with seemingly infinite patience who is attentive and supportive. I rejoice in the strengths of wonderful relationships, old and new. For me, building a good life that’s full of meaning requires LOVE, the 4 main ingredients being: Learning, Optimizing, Valuing, and Evolving.
Learning
Seneca said:” As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” The best pathway to meaning is learning. Challenging ourselves in new ways is the process of learning about ourselves, others, and the world. There is no limit to the new experiences we can add to our life – new places to visit, new people to connect with, new activities to try, and new skills to learn. There is no limit to knowledge, and the advantage of knowledge is wisdom. One of the hallmarks of being human is the ability to grow our knowledge. In the broad sense it means owning our life’s learning. On a more practical level, it means we must be intentional in the choices we make about structuring our experiences and developing our skills.
Optimizing
Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do.” A meaningful life is created with time through small, intentional effort. It requires building success habits to optimize outcomes. Optimizing a life means striving towards greater outcomes by expanding choices. It requires pushing out of the comfort zone and trying new things. The goal is aiming for optimal, not perfect. A perfectionist is rigid. An optimizer is very adaptive. It is healthy to set ambitious goals and have high expectations. Optimizing is being motivated to continuously improve with a focus on building good habits. Habits are malleable and must be adapted to changing times and circumstances and should be formulated with a mindset of kindness and compassion for self and others. We are all perfectly imperfect.
Valuing
Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living." Value is a threefold proposition when aspiring to live a meaningful life. First is valuing our values, the beliefs and principles we deem important in life. They inform our priorities and provide a framework for our behaviors and actions. Second is valuing other people. There is something to value in everyone. Third is the value we create. The things we do that make a positive impact. The most important form of valuing is ownership, being accountable to living true to our values. It’s not about what we want to achieve but rather the commitment to showing up in the world on an ongoing basis – how we treat ourselves and others and the legacy we build.
Evolving
Hypatia of Alexandria said: "Life is an unfoldment, and the further we travel the more truth we can comprehend." Our purpose is to evolve through the journey of life. Have you ever thought about the phrase “growing old?” I feel the emphasis is not on the years we accumulate but rather on the growth we obtain. With every year we get to observe, learn, and comprehend greater things. With every trip around the sun, we grow in knowledge, wisdom, and capabilities. With the connections we make and maintain, the value of our social and professional networks increases exponentially. Life is an ever-growing continuum. And we get to define our journey and our growth however we want.
Birthdays are a time to express gratitude for the gift of life and to acknowledge the blessings we have received, the relationships we have cultivated, and the beauty of our unique journey. As I look forward to the next year, I wish myself a lot more learning, more accomplishments – big and small wins to be earned, and more dreams yearning to be lived.
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