A client just shared that it sucks that spring is in the air, yet he feels that his job search is stuck and frozen like the dead of winter. He reported that when opening his inbox, he has a bodily reaction of fear, of getting more rejections. When looking for a job, it is important to remember that the process generates more rejection than acceptance. Rejection also happens on the job. Throughout one’s career, rejection comes in many forms: being denied a promotion or a salary increase request, not being approved to work from home, rejected ideas, a broken work relationship, a bad performance review, etc. Being on the receiving end of any of the workplace commonplace “no can do,” can be gut wrenching. Rejection is hard, no matter the context, but even though it stings, it isn’t inherently negative. You have the power to manage your mindset and reframe your thoughts to make them self-affirming and productive. This is the path to building resiliency.
A fear of rejection, and getting stuck in rejection after experiencing one, are two obstacles that hold people back from reaching their goals. See: This is how many rejections it takes before job seekers lose confidence. Remember that rejection is par for the course in any job search, and being denied could be the answer when asking for things at work. Constructively handling rejection is the test of a true professional. How you handle short-term career losses is critical to your long-term career success. You must think strategically to continue to chart a path forward. Don’t let someone else’s rejection cause you to self-reject, self-deprecate, or beat yourself up. Use it as the fuel to re-affirm your value and as the catalyst to your future wins. If you are in the game, you are going to get turned down. And when you do, it is important to transform rejection into opportunity. Use a “no” to review, reflect, and refine your strategy to make sure you keep going in the right direction to achieve your goal.
Rejection means you are trying. Rejection is an opportunity in disguise, an invitation to revise, and a springboard for growth. The 3 Rs of personal and professional growth:
Review: identify the casual factors that derail you from success.
Reflect: identify success factors that increase your self-efficacy.
Refine: own your vulnerabilities and strengths and make the necessary changes to improve your process and your performance.
Use this 5-step process to recover and re-charge after a rejection:
Step #1: Be a Winner Not a Whiner
Whiners have a “woe is me” attitude. They blame other people, situations, and things beyond their control and don’t take responsibility for the things they can control and change. Winners have an “ownership mentality.” They stay positively focused on the things within their control to keep moving forward towards success despite setbacks.
Step #2: Sweeten the Bitter Pill
When you experience a downward spiral of constant, or a very painful rejection, the easiest way to turn yourself around and bounce back is to find an easy win. Start with asking yourself what are the things that you love about yourself and feel most confident in doing. Then set a few small goals that are easy for you to conquer. Small wins are the fastest way to create motivation, boost confidence, and get emotionally stronger.
Step #3: Learn Constructively from Your Losses
Winning doesn’t always mean getting what you want. You may be doing the right things but not see the results you hoped for, yet. The big truth is that when this happens, it’s your opportunity to learn, improve, and grow. Yes, there’s always room for improvement. So, reconstruct your strategy, identify things you can do differently, embrace the ride, and look for opportunities.
Step #4: Fearlessly Fail Forward
The only way to get results is to do the work. Reframe rejection as practice. Focus on your inputs and not on the short-term results. Over the course of your career, you will achieve success but also feel the emotional pain of rejection. Understand this and don’t ride the rejection/acceptance roller-coaster. Be bold as you move forward. Knock on new doors. Focus on long-term goals and daily effort.
Step #5: Truly Open Yourself Up to New Opportunities
Always be building your career pipeline – learn new skills, expand your knowledge base, and add new connections. A great way to get over rejection is generating new connections. They can unlock opportunities you may not even know exist; whether it’s advice, information, or job leads. Be a possibility generating machine. Get social and start a conversation. You never know where it may lead you!
March is National Women’s History Month and National Reading Month. To celebrate the two, I’ve been sharing an inspirational quote from a female author every day. Today’s quote is by B. Smith, a legendary supermodel (the first African American woman to appear on the cover “Mademoiselle” in 1976), a successful entrepreneur/restaurateur, and a lifestyle guru. She was a great force to reckon with. Her book “Before I Forget: Love, Hope, Help, and Acceptance in Our Fight Against Alzheimer” written with her husband, Dan Gasby, and Vanity Fair editor Michael Shnayerson, really moved me. It is a story about courage and fighting to live with love and dignity while battling Alzheimer’s. when facing devastating news, difficulty, and disappointment, fight to keep moving forward with dignity, grace, and courage.
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