I lost my Zen in yoga class yesterday. To me, yoga is an escape from distractions. So, there I was trying to prepare for class, get in the zone and be present, when in walked another yogi. She rolled out her mat, eyes glued to her phone (despite the big signs of “No Phones in the Studio”), and sat down in Lotus Position, mobile attached like an extension of her arm, making those customized notification sounds. With every passing minute, I was getting increasingly annoyed. I could feel my mood shifting from relaxed to riled up, from great to grumpy, and from wonderful to whiny. I had to find a way to calm myself, and quickly. Thankfully, years of yoga and meditation practice have taught me to use my breath to clear my mind of all the noise to find my Zen place. It’s about being grounded mentally to find peace in the immediate moment despite the distractions.
Yesterday’s experience got me thinking about office pet peeves, the simple annoyances that seem like atrocious grievances and can drive people up the wall. My days policing HR office etiquette and policies are behind me, but I still get to help my clients deal with rude coworkers and navigate workplace conflict. In any workplace, there’s bound to be some drama because humans are emotional, and often behavior acceptability is in the eye of the beholder. What might smell fishy to one (that microwaved fish) can make someone else’s day, a delicious lunch. So, how can you deal with situations and people that annoy you? What can you do about workplace behaviors you find irritating?
It takes two people to be in conflict. Constructive solutions require acknowledging our knowledge gaps, our bias, our habits, and our mental and emotional state. When you face a tough situation triggering negativity, find a mental “anchor” in compassion. Take the time to check-in to avoid rush and harsh reactions. Rule of thumb: always return to the breath. When we are running on auto-pilot, there’s no filtering process. Taking a few second to pause and breathe would help you switch to thinking mode to be able to evaluate options and the implications of what you are about to do, or say.
Allow me to introduce one of the foundational ethical teachings in yoga – Ahimsa, no-harm. This is an all-encompassing principle beyond not causing physical damage to ourselves, others, or nature. It instructs us to put compassion into action in all that we think, say, and do. Conflicts are part of life, in our personal and professional relationships. Practicing Ahimsa is showing compassion and kindness to ourselves and others. Much like love, Ahimsa starts with the self. When you show yourself loving-kindness and compassion, it is easier to extent it to others. Misunderstandings, disagreements and conflicts happen. It takes courage and skill to remain centered in peace and relate to people with an open heart, replacing judgments and negativity with acceptance and caring. A good place to start with almost any conflict is remembering the three universal truths that are the foundation of our ability to live in harmony and work well with others:
Everyone is fighting their own battle.
We have the power to change ourselves but we cannot change other people.
Change begins from within
Breaking the cycle of negativity and creating positive spaces is in essence the “Golden Rule,” the biblical principle to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” or “don’t do unto others that which is hateful to you.” In Judaism, the principle of “you shall love your neighbor as yourself” is considered equal to the entire Torah (the 5 Books of Moses.) The Talmudic sage Hillel referred to this tenet as “The Whole Torah.” While ethics are relative to cultural norms, I’d say that this principle still holds true in the modern world of work across different cultures.
The “whole Torah,” the substance of Career Success is that how you treat people matters profoundly. Contrary to popular belief that career success is all about who you know, it is mostly about who you are. All rules have exceptions, but by and large, the trajectory of your career ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships. People mirror the behaviors they are shown. The people that we touch, touch others. When we relate to those in our ecosystem with respect, compassion, and thoughtfulness, we create a ripple effect. Other than being the right thing to do, this is how you establish your reputation. The connections you form are based on the sum of your interactions, how people feel about you. You build your influence with every interaction, every room you enter, every comment you make, and the value you bring to the table. Everything you say and do is a message to the world.
Be intentional in how you manage your interpersonal relationships to build a thriving professional network. In setting your personal and professional goals strive to be the best person you can be - the choices you make, make you.
LOVE Thy Colleague:
Listen to understand
Observe to learn
Verify your assumptions
Empower positivity
Never underestimate the power of a network. We all perform better with a little help from our friends and colleagues. Nurturing a network of career allies can help you create a positive impact to make work more meaningful and fulfilling.
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