In the past couple of weeks, I have been asked repeatedly about my last blog post in which I shared my struggle to get up early in the morning to run the Hobble Creek Half Marathon. Since then, I have received many well-intended comments and questions about what one friend referred to as my “being an obsessive goal-setter.” Fair. These responses definitely gave me pause for thought. What does it mean to be obsessed by goals? Am I expecting too much out of myself? Am I pushing myself too hard? What is that healthy balance between striving and satisfaction, ambition and acceptance?
The American dream is a belief that people can find success through hard work, with each goal being a small step towards reaching one’s dream. The idea is that goal achievement is positively related to life satisfaction. For the most part, it feels good to pursue goals, make progress, and see improvements. But at times, we may experience problems or difficulties, which means that we have to work harder than we expected. So, we push ourselves. Now, here’s the tricky part, figuring out the question: am I pushing myself too hard or not enough? How do I find that sweet spot between effort and ease as I strive to maximize my potential both personally and professionally?
I do not have a definitive answer nor a magic formula to create just the right mix of effort and ease. But I do know that the answer is surely personal and is ever-changing, never static. We have to look inside for the reasons we choose to pursue certain goals and to determine when to keep pushing forward and when to pause and re-plan. We each get to decide where we set that line between accepting defeat or working harder putting in more effort. Acceptance is not the opposite of self-development and personal growth. We may set and pursue goals to achieve more in certain areas of our life, and we have the prerogative to change our mind, to change direction without judgment, shame, or guilt. We get to choose which goals resonate at what time, and how long we’d be willing to make the necessary sacrifices to accomplish them. We always have to ask ourselves: “is it worth it?” We owe it to ourselves to continuously assess our resources and re-evaluate the shifting priorities to re-direct our focus. It is a matter of self-preservation how we invest our limited resources of willpower and mental and physical energy.
I find the Buddhist Eightfold Path framework helpful when it comes to Right Effort, or Right Diligence. Here’s the practice I’ve adopted to determine the level of effort I need to make:
Work to minimize the traits and habits that hold me back.
Work to cultivate skills, traits, and habits that will help me grow both personally and professionally.
Both require steady and resolute effort but also ease, the gift of grace, the permission to self to not do everything. To live fully, effort must be exerted. We cannot just sit back and wait for good luck to find us. We must build the life we want to live by creating the conditions for new opportunities and new actions. My interpretation of “right effort” is to do the things that will lead to progress along a chosen path towards an end-goal. It means paying attention to what is happening in the present moment and being intentional in the choice of action. This is fundamental to strategically managing our time, resources, and energy. It is impossible to be in a state of continuous effort. Goal-achievement is not just about setting the right goals but also about being vigilant about taking care of ourselves and managing energy and effort effectively. Effort is an essential and often overlooked key element of success. It teaches us what we are truly capable of. However, knowing when and where to exert effort is critically important.
Staying engaged in life requires a balance, or rhythm, of effort and ease. Making an effort to create what we want in life and living with more ease are equally important components of success. But it is a tricky balance. We can approach our efforts with what-if thoughts (what if I get the promotion, what if I don’t, etc.) or learn to keep focus on what is in the moment. Mindful effort is the commitment to do our best work. It is what takes us forward in life. Pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone is necessary for personal growth. Reaching our full potential (self-actualization) happens when our efforts come from a place of curiosity and a desire to learn. However, pushing ourselves too hard when chasing after specific results can leave us exhausted physically and mentally. Effort without ease is over-effort that can lead to burnout. In pursuing our life’s work, growth lies in the duality of effort and ease. Having a meaningful life and a rewarding career is all about the journey, the process of trying and doing, keeping a balance between effort and ease.
To reach new heights, we need to push ourselves. Make an effort, engage in strengthening activities:
Leave Your Comfort Zone – have new experiences and engage in activities that you haven't tried before.
Test Your Limits – face your fears, do hard things and push yourself to the next level to find out how far you can go.
Learn New Things – expand your range of interests, activities, skills and knowledge to be able to bring more to the table.
Do a Little More – aim to do 1% better today than yesterday. Focus on one thing to do more and better to make your growth incremental.
Build Momentum – make hustling productive and actionable. Stay focused and consistent as you exert oneself vigorously to sustain upward improvement.
Growth happens on rest days in between periods of intense effort. Work with ease, engage in preservation activities:
Evaluate Expectations - reconfigure your expectations asking, "What would enough look like?"
Establish Healthy Boundaries – give yourself permission to not do everything, to politely say no, and to take “you” time.
Embrace Evolving – accept change as inevitable, normal, and necessary, and make the most of every opportunity to become a better version of yourself.
Springboard to Success – acknowledge your mishaps and mistakes. Always look for the hidden lesson in order to live, learn, grow, and prosper.
Give Yourself Grace – offer yourself kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Ground yourself in the positive. Know that bad times don’t define you.
To work with Effort and Ease: Do fewer of the things that are not promoting your growth forward. Focus your time and effort on the most important things. My advice regarding “pushing yourself” is to “do less” to be able to “do more.” Be proactive rather than reactive. Say “no” to the lesser things so that you will be able to say “yes” to what you truly want to create in your life. Then, make the right effort to tap into your full capacity and to maximize your potential. Remember: Success happens thought by thought, action by action, and effort put in day by day.
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