I love June, the first month of summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, and the beginning of my kayaking season. It really doesn’t get any better than being out on the water for a leisurely paddle around the Foster City lagoon on warm summer days. June is also a month of celebrations: weddings, graduations, and Pride Month commemorate the Stonewall riots in 1969. Although we have come a long way since, we still have a long way to go as far as the rights of LGBT people. In 2022, there are still state legislatures that continue to advance bills that limit local protections of LGBTQI+ people. See ACLU. To me, this month is a reminder to celebrate love in all of its beautiful forms and to keep working for diversity, inclusivity, equality, respect, and acceptance. It’s also about celebrating life, and honoring this gift by recommitting to living authentically. This week I have been thinking about living my best self within the context of pride and humility.
Growing up, humility was considered a great virtue in my family. Drawing on both bible stories and Greek mythology, my parents warned us of the dangers of hubris, or excessive pride. From Adam and Eve who wanted to be like God and ended up expelled from the Garden of Eden, to the story of the tower of Babel and the sin of pride, and the tragic story of Icarus. The message was loud and clear: pride goes before a fall. My parents didn’t raise snowflakes. They believed in hard work, kindness, accountability, and continuous improvement. As children, we were constantly encouraged to think of the needs and feelings of others and the greater good. But are pride and humility truly the opposite, or just two sides of the same coin?
Humility is knowing one’s place in the world and being able to hear, see, understand, and value others. In its negative side, pride (aka having an excessively high opinion of oneself) is the exact opposite of humility. It manifests in a wide range of behaviors including conceitedness, vanity, self-righteousness, arrogance, rudeness, and disrespect. However, pride can be a positive emotion associated with self-confidence and inner well-being. It can mean self-love, self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-actualization. When pride presents as a feeling of personal worth, having an internal sense of being good enough and deserving of happiness, love, and belonging, it can lead to a path of self-actualization. It seems that the right balance is to take pride in one’s identity, attributes, skills, and achievements but to act with humility toward others. To put it succinctly, “humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” It’s good practice seeing one’s strengths and feeling proud of oneself, but only if it’s complemented by striving to be a positive force and building others up, too.
Healthy pride focuses on appreciating and being thankful for the unique gifts of the present time. Cherishing the moment means embracing all that there is, the good, the bad and the painful. It can empower us by recognizing that we have the freedom to pursue our dreams, hopes, and goals. It is not the seeking of “more” material goods but rather the pursuit of meaning, the fulfillment of potential, and learning to bloom to the fullest. Humility is the choice to extend compassion and kindness to others. It’s about Ram Dass’ words: “We are all just walking each other home.” When we are prideful and self-focused, we become disconnected from others. Walking each other home means taking the time to recognize and accept each other for our humanity and to care of each other. This idea is beautifully expressed by the term namaste, which literally means “greetings to you,” or “I bow to you.” But on a deeper level it means I see you, or “I see the light in you.”
Being seen is a deeply ingrained human need. When we see each other, we can open our hearts to one another. Home is where the heart is. To walk each other home is having a mindset of compassion. It’s about looking for ways to be kinder and help people reach a place of psychological and emotional well-being, our internal sense of home. The power of compassion is real. Scientific studies show there are many benefits of being kind from boosting energy and mood to reducing stress, to improving relationships and developing genuine connections. Compassion can be practiced in two forms:
Internally as self-care: maintaining physical & emotional well-being
Externally as caring about others: extending kindness & compassion to others
A third dimension is a practical career success practice. Most jobs involve working cooperatively with others. Thus, caring is crucial to a successful career in any industry and at every job level. Compassion is the foundation for collaboration. Compassion builds trust, which in turn inspires collaborative behaviors. Collaboration is the glue that connects people. The ability to understand other people’s perspective, ideas, opinions, and experiences facilitates effective teamwork. A group of people who collaborate on a common goal has more power and a greater impact than one person working in a silo. As the modern workplace becomes increasingly more complex, people’s skillsets get increasingly specialized, and collaboration becomes one of the most important driving forces for high-performance. How well you collaborate with others greatly impacts team and organizational outcomes and your career trajectory. Strive to operate with human insight as you work to get ahead, to push your skills to the next level. Be sure to look around you and let helping others be a natural extension of what you do. Success is a team sport.
Consider Ram Dass’ words about life’s journey in the context of accomplishing career goals: “Together we are all on a journey called life. We are a little broken and a little shattered inside. Each one of us is aspiring to make it to the end. None is deprived of pain here and we have all suffered in our own ways. I think our journey is all about healing each other in our own special ways. Let’s just help each other put all those pieces back together and make it to the end more beautifully. Let us help each other survive.” And let me add, let us help each other thrive. Namaste!
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