Unleash the Self You Want to Be to Create the Life You Want to Live

A client asked me yesterday: “what the heck does it mean to be the best version of myself?” I should clarify that the question was asked in genuine perplexity, no sarcasm attached. My job is to facilitate clients’ search for meaning at work; to help them explore and define the right goals to feel more fulfilled on the job and in their career. This means finding the “why” of work. Many of us define our life’s calling and purpose through work. The highest outcome of work is meaning. Thus, finding meaning at work really does matter. Being able to find meaning in the work we do is a key factor to finding fulfillment in a success-driven world. In a nutshell, finding meaning on the job leads to career fulfillment. It is achieved when a career balances a person’s interests and skills. It is to be obtain through self-reflection to gain clarity regarding one’s whole self: strengths, weaknesses, career drivers, and full potential.

Being our best self is all about meaning. And meaning has to do with what you want your life to look like and creating a roadmap to get to where you want to be. This discussion always takes me back to Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl wrote the book in 1945 after his liberation from a Nazi concentration camp. Although the book tells the story of unfathomable horrors, I find that its message is applicable to anyone who sees life as a quest for purpose and meaning. My take-away is that finding meaning is the ultimate goal in life. No matter what we decide to pursue, meaning must be front and center. We each have the power to find meaning regardless of our own personal circumstances. To me, finding and cultivating meaning in life is in essence the journey to become the best version of ourselves, to live a full and fulfilling life.

To show up in the world as your best self is to live your life intentionally, to deliberately direct who you become by the choices you make and the actions you take – first and foremost taking care of yourself, your physical and mental health. With a strong foundation, the fulfillment of basic human needs, you can then move from survival to thriving mode to clarify your “why.” As you move through life, your core intentions guide your decisions and choices. By setting intentions you are building a bridge between what you are working through in the short-term and what you aspire to become. Knowing what truly matters to you, will guide you in the pursuit of dreams and goals. Setting intentions for a work day, a month, or the year, can instill a sense of direction and determination to honor your unique gifts and what you can contribute to the world in the here and now as well as the impact you want to make in your life.

The definition of “best self” and “impact” is personal. Using the Zen metaphor, we are all first captains on the restless sea that is life. The sea is full of wonders and in a state of perpetual motion, forever flowing. It is the changing conditions of the weather and currents that carry the boat. Yet, it is our duty as captains to skillfully navigate the boat at all times and through rough waters. Riding the waves of life, do you feel that life just happens to you, or that you are at the helm taking ownership of your life?

Becoming the best version of yourself begins with the following 2 questions:

“What kind of person do I want to be?” & “What kind of life do I want to lead?”

Life has many ways of testing your aspirations and resolutions. Over time, your definition of your best self and your best life will change. As you ride the currents of time, be ready to evolve, adapt, adjust, and change course when necessary. However, remain true to the following 5 guiding principles to bring out your best self and to build the life you want:

1. Live authentically staying true to your values.

2. Be grounded in reality but flexible to shift perspective and plans

3. Take responsibility for choices and actions.

4. Build resilience to triumph over adversity.

5. Seek continuous self-improvement and growth.

Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey of body, mind and spirit. You grow and change at each new chapter of life. At each life stage, the key is to focus your efforts on “who goals” (who you want to be) rather that “what goals” (what you want to obtain.) Best-self goal-setting shouldn’t be about conquest-type achievements. They should provide a sense of meaning and direction to clarify the roles you want to play in the world. Without being grounded in intention, you might be floundering aimlessly like a rowing boat cast in a chaotic sea. Meaning mobilizes behavior toward aspirations. You have an abundance of potential just waiting to be unlocked. The key to unleashing your best self is setting and pursuing goals. A lot has been said about SMART goals. Unfortunately, SMART doesn’t capture the importance of identifying meaningful outcomes, nor doing the right things. SMART goals are great for run-of-the-mill objectives. However, they are not as powerful when it comes to impactful goals.

Get in the habit of setting impactful goals to become the best version of you. Be vigilant in asking and answering the following 5 questions:

1. What do my ideal life and best-self look like?

2. What is most important to me?

3. Am I living in alignment with what’s important to me?

4. Have I been consistent enough in setting and pursuing meaningful and impactful goals?

5. What is holding me back and what new strategies do I need to try in order to be my best self and to live to my fullest potential?

Remember: we are all on a continuous process of becoming, which involves leaving behind what no longer serves us to clear out the physical, mental and emotional space to move forward toward what is yet to come. Don’t try and tackle too many things at once. Choose one area where you’d like to do better in your life or career. How can you go about living your aspiration? What concrete steps can you take to get there? Prioritize what matters most to you.